I Need You to Hate Me
by Punkylemon
Summary: The 'Sectumsempra' scene from Draco's POV. What really went through his mind? How does he really feel about Harry? Can he do what is expected of him? Labelled a one-shot but might add to it if people like it. Rated M for bad language (just to be safe) I own nothing!


_**Author's notes:**__ One shot. So what really went through Draco's mind when Harry used the 'Sectumsempra' curse on him? This is the scene from the book and film from Draco's POV and I'm using it as more of an explanation of Draco's feelings for Harry through the books. Rated M for occasional bad language (just to be on the safe side). As I always do with my one shots, I've __labelled__ this as a one shot but I'm keeping the possibility of adding more chapters open, depending on the reaction I get. Tell me what you think, guys. Don't be shy. If you want me to add more, just let me know in reviews. (And, by the way, I made the cover myself. Take a look)_

**I Need You to Hate Me**

I didn't want to do it.

I felt chewed up inside. How much longer could I take being threatened by the Dark Lord, being bullied by my father and, worst of all, being hated by _him_?

I stood in the bathroom to escape for a while. The damned ghost wasn't much help. No-one could be. No-one could help me now.

What was he thinking? How the hell was I supposed to do this?

I held onto the sides of the basin below me, thinking about the people who had nearly died as a result of my attempts so far. I shouldn't care about them. That's what he'd always told me. The Dark Lord. I had a job to do and, if others got caught in the firing line, so what? What was it to me? As long as it got done, that's all that mattered. I couldn't hold in what I was feeling and told the sink as much but at least no-one could see me in here. At least I _thought_ they couldn't. When I looked up into the mirror to try and pull myself together I saw him. Potter. He was standing in the doorway behind me, staring at me. I spun on the spot to face him.

Harry Potter. So long I'd known him and always had to hate him, shun him, push him away, turn others against him if I could. Under orders. My father's orders... always.

I knew what I really wanted to do. What I've always wanted to do. I wanted to reach out to him, feel his embrace. I wanted him to forgive me and stroke my hair and tell me that everything was OK. I wanted to hear the "chosen one" tell me that he'd sort it all out and that I didn't have to obey _him_ anymore. I wanted to hold his hand and love him like I'd always done ever since we'd first met in Diagon Alley.

God, I'd acted like such a cocky little dick at the time just so he didn't catch on! I didn't even know who he was then. I just knew he was the most beautiful person I'd ever seen. His hair was a mess, his clothes were too big for him and his glasses were in bits but, to me, he was perfect with those gorgeous green eyes and nervous expression. God knows I tried to appeal to him! Tried to talk up Slytherin so he'd want to be placed with me, got bold enough to try and take his hand and, when that didn't work, tried impressing him in flying lessons. Thinking about it now, it would have been so easy for the Dark Lord to get to him if I'd befriended him instead of pushed him away as my father ordered that I do once he knew that Potter was here.

That being the case...

I wasn't about to put him in danger now.

What else could I have done? I threw a hex at him which, mercifully, missed him by an inch or so and hit a lamp instead. That stupid ghost started screaming her head off. I easily blocked Potter's spell, whatever it was going to be. Thanks to the chaos, it was easy to disguise my deliberately bad aim with my next hex which I actually aimed at the bin near Harry. The bin exploded nicely as Harry's next curse missed me by a hair's breadth and ricochet in the direction of the ghost girl instead. It hit the toilet and flooded the place. In all honesty, I _wanted_ him to catch me with something. Then I wouldn't have to do this.

I don't really know what happened next. Something took over me. Maybe I was trying to get more of an impulsive reaction from him so he'd put in some goddamn effort! Maybe I was just channelling my father's conditioning. Or maybe I really am that much of a dick. I flicked my wand... and uttered the cruciatus curse.

At least I tried to.

I got half way through.

"Cruci...!"

I didn't really hear what it was that Potter shouted. It was a spell I'd never heard before ("sectum..." something or other). All I do remember is a searing pain across my face and chest and I was blasted back into the water. I could feel something warm and I scrabbled at my robes to try and see what had happened. I was shaking so badly with the pain that, instead, I just fell back into the water, feeling my own blood flow around me. The fucking ghost was screaming fit to bust at this point but I did hear Potter say

"No..!"

I couldn't quite believe what I'd heard. I tried to open my eyes through the pain and could just about make out the shape of him kneeling beside me. Harry. My Harry. He was by my side and stammering things like "No... I didn't...! Didn't know...! What do I do...!? Didn't mean this to happen...!" Perhaps he didn't hate me as much as I thought. I wanted to reassure him. I wanted to tell him about everything that I had been ordered to do. I wanted to tell him to stay clear of me and keep himself safe.

But, let's face it, even if I'd been able to speak, I wouldn't have done. It was better this way. Better that he saw me as an enemy. I felt his hand on my shoulder for a brief moment before the door of the bathroom burst open. Part of me wanted to shout at this intruder to get lost but I could feel myself losing consciousness and could only lie in my own blood, shivering. I heard some muffled incantation and knew after a moment that it was Professor Snape.

I slowly came back to reality and my vision cleared. I took a second to look up at Harry who had backed into a corner. He was soaked in water mingled with my blood. He looked so concerned, so guilty, so scared. I tried so hard to tell him, silently, that I would be fine and not to beat himself up about it. But Snape pulled me upwards so that I was standing up and he led me from the room. I took one last glace back at Harry standing alone in that bathroom, so helpless.

_It's OK, Harry._

_It's better this way._

_It's better that you hate me._

_I want you safe. _

_Whatever it takes, I promise I will protect you!_


End file.
